6 Key Advice On How To Breakup Nicely And Respectfully
Breaking up with someone in the millennial is way much easier than it was in the past. All you have to do is to ghost them and hope they will eventually get the idea. However, such methods are only good when the other party doesn’t know exactly where you stay and where you school, which is usually not the case when you’re dating.
It is easy to break up with someone who is a jerk, a cheater or a liar – you get the drift. But how about breaking up with Mr. Nice Guy? Someone who has been the sweetest to you on all dates and even tie your shoelaces in the public? They are so nice but sadly, you didn’t think they were right for you. These are the ones you will have a harder time ending the relationship with but it isn’t impossible. It is better to let go of the person early than to string them along on a relationship that is one-sided on their part and these are the ways you can do it respectfully, maturely and far less painful than it already is.
1. Time the Breakup
Always find the right time to bring up the breakup news and avoid delivering it at stressed periods of the other party’s life which could be life events such as his entrance examination or when a close family member is facing a health issue. While there may not be the ‘best time’ to break up with somebody, avoiding such painful news during life events is actually being considerate of his feelings at that point in time. A breakup is imminent, but you can surely wait a few more days.
2. Give him the credit he deserves
We meant doing the breakup face-to-face instead of hiding behind emails and texts cowardly. A man who has been that nice deserves that respect and consideration from you to at least deliver the news in person. Give him a heads-up like ‘We need to talk’ instead of jumping directly into the breakup so that he can be mentally prepared for some seriousness.
3. Choose a location for the breakup
Decide how long the conversation should last and plan appropriately. You wouldn’t know how he would take the news, but do give him the private setting to at least bare his heart out (if he needs to) and never do the breakup at a crowded setting, or at your home. Plan a good but kind exit strategy for both of you.
4. Be frank and direct, but not brutally honest
This is hard but no breakup is easy when you’re dating Mr. Nice Guy. Instead of talking about how the day went and getting into the whole comfy cycle again, start by telling him ‘I don’t think we are a good fit’, ‘I think I’m not ready to commit in this relationship’ or ‘I’m breaking up with you’. Give actual reasons on why this breakup has no room for turning back, for eg. ‘I think our characters are poles apart’ or ‘We have different goals in life’, ‘I would like to focus on my career at this point in life and would not be dating anytime soon until my career is established’. The last one takes a long time to keep to but make sure you mean it when you say it. You wouldn’t want to be caught on social media with your new beau’s couple shot.
Focus on explaining why you are not a good fit in the relationship instead of telling him 10 points I don’t like about you. Find a mutual acceptance that this relationship is over instead of discussing whose fault was it that this didn’t work out.
5. Give him the opportunity to speak
He deserves to share his feelings as much as you do. Give him the chance to talk about his thoughts and perspective unless he starts acting erratically, then it is time to go. Do not leave any false hopes by saying that you could still stay friends, that you will always love him or you will call when you get home. That will just string him on further with thoughts like you will get back together in the near future or if things change.
6. Be mindful and sensitive to him post-breakup
You have just dumped Mr. Nice Guy so remember that right at this point, he probably is still in love with you..but you, on the other hand, not so much in love since you have prepped your heart a long time ago. Give him the time to process the news and take in his emotions and deal with it sensitively. Think about what if it was you on the receiving end?
Also, bear in mind that the wound is still fresh on your ex-boyfriend so try not to post any images of you with other guys, publicizing your new dates or circulating blog posts such as, ‘I’m happily single again’. Again, think from his perspective.
It is never an easy feat to deliver a breakup, regardless if you’re the dumper or the dumpee. But nothing is going to work out in the long run if he/ she wasn’t who you’re looking for in the first place.
When it comes to initiating a breakup, don’t ever let him be the last one to know about it and don’t let someone else do it for you. After the breakup, avoid letting it out on social media but call a close friend to share instead. Give you and your ex the time to heal from the relationship and perhaps, a few months and years down the road. You might be relieved that this was the right choice after all.