After days, and months of pining after your crush, you’ve finally plucked up the courage to ask them out. Much to your surprise, they agree to go on a cute little date with you, and before you even know it, you’re in a relationship! Once the initial bliss of having a romantic partner fades, however, you come to realize that your relationship isn’t as perfect as you made it up to be. For starters, your partner has little to no time for you, and to make matters even worse, your schedules are completely incompatible.
If you’re trapped in a similar situation; that is, with a somewhat cold and distant romantic partner, and a career that takes up all your time, you might be facing a rather tough dilemma. Of all the questions that must be swerving in your head, the most difficult one to answer is this- Is my partner emotionally unavailable or am I just overthinking? While that is an exceptionally difficult question to answer, you might be able to figure out the truth for yourself, if you keep an eye out for certain behaviors. Before we can move on, and tell you the tell-tale signs of an emotionally unavailable partner, you must realize that in relationships, actions speak ten times louder than words. With that out of the way, here are some signs that you may be dealing with an emotionally distant and unavailable significant other.
1. They’re NEVER there for you
You might have heard of the term “ghosting.” While it is a rather funny term that refers to the rather cruel act of leaving someone on ‘read’, and disappearing without any explanation, it also applies itself perfectly to an emotionally unavailable partner. To put it simply, an emotionally unavailable partner will go out of their way to avoid making any commitments. In most cases, you’d find yourself to be the only person who makes plans, only to have them postponed. Furthermore, an emotionally unavailable partner will never be there for you emotionally as well. They won’t reply to your texts, or calls, and will always keep you on the edge. You’ll find yourself craving for their attention, love, and time- and this behavior will keep itself going until you wear yourself out completely.
2. Your feelings are always invalidated
A sign of an emotionally unavailable partner that is often overlooked is when they invalidate or downright ignore your feelings. The reason why emotionally unavailable individuals tend to act this way is that they are completely out of sync with what they feel. Oftentimes, this is characterized by overwhelming confusion. They don’t know what they want, desire, or feel, and project this confusion onto their significant others. As a result, your feelings end up being invalidated and tossed aside. Frequently, you might even be told that you’re being “too dramatic” or “sensitive.”
3. You never have any arguments
While it is a generally understood fact that couples who fight like they’re going to war have a slim chance of lasting their relationship for the long run; healthy arguments are an integral part of any healthy relationship. Generally speaking, you can’t expect to spend all your time with a person, either physically or digitally, and not get into a fight or two. The key is to get past these arguments and grow stronger as a couple because of them. Having said that, an emotionally unavailable person would avoid conflict at all costs, which acts as a huge obstacle in forming a true, meaningful connection.
4. They toy with your feelings and emotions
Let’s admit it, a person who toys with your emotions is not going to be the one that you spend your life with. As any healthy couple would tell you, the key to any long-lasting relationship is the ability of both partners to be vulnerable with each other. Instead of creating a space for open and honest communication, emotionally unavailable partners tend to manipulate their significant others in ways that force them to beg their partner for love, and attention. These games may include not texting on time, postponing plans, etc. In other words, nothing is ever straightforward, or easy with an emotionally unavailable partner.
5. They are always on the defensive side
Emotionally unavailable partners make a point of shifting the blame, and being defensive, ups and downs are part of every relationship, but with an emotionally closed-off partner, those downs are made ten times worse since your partner is unwilling to accept their mistake. Instead, they become defensive and pretend that everything is alright in the relationship.
Now that we’ve familiarized you with some of the most basic signs of an emotionally unavailable partner, it’s time for you to dig a little deeper. Look out for signs that might not be so general, and apply only to your partner. Remember to pay close attention to their body language, and the way they interact with you. Whatever your findings may be, remember to openly communicate with your partner, so that both of you can make amends and move forward with the relationship.