Signs they are just using you and what to do about it
Friendships are a beautiful thing. Friends lift us up and encourage us to do things when we don’t even believe in ourselves. We hold on to that precious feeling of having them as brothers and sisters. However, sometimes people tend to use our kindness to benefit them. They don’t really want our friendship. They just want us to do things for them.
This has happened to a lot of people. Realizing you’re being used isn’t the hardest part, the hard part is to figure out what to do after you found out the truth. If you’ve been or are currently a victim of this, here is everything you need to know.
Was the friend always like that or something happened?
When your friend first approached you, was it because she wanted something from you or just that she purely wanted your friendship? Someone that only approaches you to make use of you is not someone that you want to keep in your life. It’s not worth it to change them. They never saw you as a friend, just a tool to get to what they wanted. Don’t even bother trying to fix it.
On the other hand, if you two started out as friends, just that something happened, maybe you’ve got more influential and your friend wants that too, you can try to remedy it. At one point, she saw you as a genuine friend. She probably still sees you as a friend now, just that now you happen to have something she also wants.
Getting rid of a long term friend is difficult and heartbreaking, especially since they were once loyal to you as well. Sit your friend down and tell her, you will do anything for her, but you don’t want her to hang around you just hoping she would get something from you. That’s not how this friendship was and you want it to go back to the way it was, otherwise she isn’t a friend, she’s just an opportunist.
How can I get rid of a friend that only makes use of me?
It depends. Do you want to confront her and let her know you aren’t weak and won’t let people take advantage of you or just let those people go because you can’t be bothered to lecture them? What you should do highly depend on your answer to that question.
Maybe you are really pissed at what happened so you want to make a statement. Then you need to write down everything you want to say and go over it before confronting your friend. You don’t want to sound emotional. You want to sound strong and let her know you won’t be affected by this because she is not worth it.
Ask her out to do it face to face to avoid any misunderstanding over text. Tell her that you think she is just using you to get something and you would like to hear her explanation if it’s not the case. See what she says and if you accept this explanation, whether it’s reasonable or not. If she gives you something that you think it’s not reasonable, tell her you would like to stop talking to her because you don’t want to be used. This is not a real friendship and you deserve better than this. There’s absolutely no need to hold on to people that don’t share the same mutual feelings about you.
Write your speech beforehand so you don’t sound too emotional or accusing her something. You’re already ending the friendship with her. You don’t have to sound hysterical. Just tell her all your thoughts and let her go.
If you don’t want to confront her, you can easily just simply stop replying to her or tell her you can’t do it and that’s it. You don’t even have to explain anything to her if she asks why aren’t you replying. You obviously don’t like her and don’t want to fix this. So just let it be and not reply. Don’t feel bad about. She clearly doesn’t feel bad about using you so why should you feel bad about leaving someone like this behind?
How to tell if someone just wants to be friends with you or wants to make use of you?
The most obvious sign is about much they care about you when you need the attention. Like when something is troubling and you want someone to talk to, are they truly there or they seem not very interested? Not getting a reply or just a very short reply from them means they don’t really care about your problems. A true friend is one who listens to you and offers you solutions and they won’t stop replying until they know you’re done talking and would like to rest now.
For someone that just wants to make use of you, they will actively talk about things that they care about, and that’s it. They don’t care about other aspects of your life. You will feel that every time you talk, it’s just about the same thing. You don’t know too much about them as much as they don’t know too much about you. Those are the kinds of friends that you know aren’t truly here for you. They only care for certain things about you.
Using someone to get to what we want is probably a flaw that’s being committed a all humans. We try to be loyal to those closest to us and try to do right by them. Very often, we see that some people just don’t share the same belief and are willing to go out of their way to get what they want, by using others, even their closest ones.
Staying away from those people is a way to protect yourself. You can’t change how they are because it’s more or less human nature for them to do so. You can only make sure you aren’t around people that would do that to you. Granted they might treat their other friends differently, but it’s not the core issues to wonder why you’re not given the same treatment. If they don’t treat you right, either talk to them and give them a chance to remedy this or leave, for your own sake to live a better life. Everyone deserves a true friendship, that’s what friendship truly means.